Mr. Obsessive Compulsive Lying Narcissist
This wonderful and sweet man that I was engaged to was so considerate of my feelings. He watched me like a hawk. Whatever I needed or wanted he would do his best to provide it. He even did most of the grocery shopping! He would stop after work frequently to buy flowers for me too. I just couldn’t believe how loved I felt! It was like I was dreaming!
He was always fixing things up around the house that we had talked about doing. He put up new exterior doors, did some drywall work, did some painting and didn’t even want my help. When I insisted on helping him, he would get very upset and tell me that had to be done right!
It was then that I started seeing red flag warnings pop up everywhere! He was still doing all of the sweet things for me, but at the same time, he was getting mad for no reason. He had a very volatile temper. There were times that he just scared me. And he would freak out if I wanted to touch his phone. He kept it with him all of the time. When he had to charge it every night he had it turned backwards. Strange behavior if he had nothing to hide.
Our first Christmas he insisted that we go to his daughter’s house on Christmas Eve. When I told him that Christmas Eve was when I had my family dinner, he got very angry and said, “That’s fine! You stay here with your family and I will go be with mine!” When I suggested, since we were making the ham, the turkey, the stuffing and the bulk of the food, that we should just have it at our house and invite everyone, he got violent and started throwing things!
He told me that his kids would feel obligated to buy everyone something, and my kids couldn’t afford to do that! When I suggested alternating years and doing Christmas Eve with his family that year, and then with my family the next year, he got enraged! He absolutely refused to do Christmas at our house for any reason on Christmas Eve. I ended up giving in and doing it his way, even though it broke my family traditions.
2021 was a difficult year for me. I had a huge work load and so many clients that I couldn't possibly take care of them all. I was stressed out from work, and now this man who I thought was Mr. Wonderful turned out to be something very different. Everything had to be his way and done his way. He had told me once that a friend of his told him he had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I began to see very clearly that he did indeed have OCD. The things that I tought he did out of love for me, were actually things he did because of his OCD!
The man talked about everyone else like they were dirt! He talked about my children, my friends, my coworkers, his children’s spouses, his 3 ex wives, his ex girlfriends, his coworkers, the people in the grocery store who got in his way, and the list goes on and on. This man who was so wonderful had turned into someone who was never happy. All he did was complain about everything!
He said his first wife, the mother of his children just walked away from her children and him. After seeing what I saw, I really do believe that he drove her off, and she was afraid to come see her children. I believe he talked about her horribly and painted her as a monster to all of his kids, so they hated her too. He even told me that he wished she was dead! He even talked bad about his own mother, who had passed away from cancer.
At this point, all gifts and flowers stopped. There were flowers on rare occasions, but that was only when he felt like he was losing control. Obviously he could see now that the flowers didn’t mean what they once did to me.
When I thought this man was wonderful, we had a lot of long conversations. Now, everything that I told him in the past was used against me in his ugly game. Since I told him that when I went blind, and when I moved that family wouldn’t help me, every time I mentioned my kids or grandchildren, he would tell me that my family didn’t care about me and try to make me feel worse.
When I told him that I had spent my birthdays all alone with no calls, cards or gifts, he would tell me again about how my family didn’t care about me or love me. For 3 years we went on a short mini vacation for my birthday. At first I thought it was because he cared about how I felt and wanted to make it special. After the second trip in 2022, and third one in 2023, I started to get scared that he was going to create some sort of accident and I would never return!
The gaslighting this man did was unbelievable! It felt like I couldn’t make an intelligent decision for myself anymore, and like my thought processes were those of a crazy woman. Then if I got upset he would say, “You can’t help it!” He also started telling me these horrible stories about awful things that happened to his exs, and made it sound like it was because of someone they met after him. I actually believe now that he was the one who was doing hurtful and humiliating things to them! I also noticed that when we were around his family that they were treating me differently. I wondered what he was telling them? The crazy part was that he also controlled and manipulated his entire family too!
When anyone would come to visit, or if he was talking to the neighbors or to someone I knew at work or in the community his whole demeanor would change. He would put on his mask and be that charming and wonderful guy I first met. To everyone else it looked like Inwas the luckiest woman alive! I even had some women ask me if they could live vicariously through me! It just made me sick.
The entire time this man was living with me, I was the one paying the bills and getting more in debt; while he was paying off all of his debts, and promising to help me with mine when he was done paying his off. I was even giving him supplements that I paid for so he could stay healthy enough to tear me down more! I was such an idiot!
I got to the point where I didn’t want to go home anymore when I was out seeing my clients. The bad part is that it was my house! I was afraid of what he would do if I told him to leave! I had no friends anymore because he manipulated all of my time off work. The distance between me and my children and grandchildren was even bigger. And I felt like an old and ugly castoff because of always having to deal with his condescending attitude.
I kept praying for knowledge to help me know what to do, and how to make the right decisions. I had been in a relationship with a narcissist before for many years, and I couldn’t do this again.
Lessons Learned: Wolves really can come in sheep’s clothing. A narcissist will stop at nothing to manipulate your life. When a narcissist tells lies about you, people believe them. A narcissist is charming and has a great personality to people on the outside.
#WolfAtMyDoor, #WolfInMyBed, #Gaslighting, #Manipulation, #ThePretender, #Depression, #LackOfConfidence, #LiveWithDonna, #ThePhoenixRisingWoman, #PhoenixRisingWoman
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