The Truth Comes Out After Four Years!
The Manipulative OCD Narcissist had issues with his knee. He decided to get a knee replacement. The timing for the knee replacement was very bad. He decided to get it done the week of Thanksgiving! Why would someone set up a knee replacement right at the holidays? Now mind you, this was not an emergency operation. He could have had it done earlier in the year. I honestly believe this was done to make things tough on me.
Since he would not be able to walk up steps for a while, and I have a 2-story house, he asked sarcasticly if I wanted him to go to his daughter's house after the operation. And again, being the giver that he knew I was, I tried to figure out a way to make things work. I knew that I didn't want him sleeping on the living room couch all of the time, especially through the holidays. The house doesn't have any downstairs bedrooms or a family room either. The only other place to put him was my office. I have a pretty large office, and since this was only temporary, maybe we could make it work.
So, I scooted my desk back more, moved some other furniture out of the office, and got a thick comfortable mattress pad for the sofa sleeper that was in the office. I brought a nightstand down from upstairs, set up a lamp on it, and got a space ready for him. I also ordered a divider for the room since I still would need to work in there for my radio station job. It would work, but I was afraid I would have issues working in an area the size of a small closet.
I also knew there would issues with working a full time job and taking care of him at the same time. Plus, every responsibility would totally fall on me, as well as all holiday shopping, holiday decorating, wrapping, cooking, cleaning and holiday meals and cleanup. Since I was made to feel on a daily that I could never do anything right, this would be a horrible disaster. Well, it was worse than a horrible disaster!
I got everything ready in the office before the surgery, as well as getting all of the groceries and Thanksgiving dinner items taken care of. In spite of how hard the narcissist saw me working, he never had anything good to say, and all he did was complain!
I took him to the hospital and he had the knee surgery. He had to spend the night, so I brought him home the next day. They gave him high strength pain pills, so he slept a lot. I was very busy trying to work, carry everything to him, and making sure his polar care cube ice pack was always cold and full of ice.
This thing was filled with ice and water, it was heavy, and it wasn't easy for me to carry, especially since I had tennis elbow in my left arm, carpal tunnel in both wrists, and I'm a very petite person. The narcissist would get mad at me if I even looked like something hurt me when I carried it to him.
All the narcisisst did was complain because I wasn't doing things fast enough. Between work and taking care of him I was working 18 hour days! I had no time at all for myself. Not only was I working this many hours, but I was also trying to make home cooked meals because he complained about eating carry-out food or anything that was easier for me to make under the circumstances!
He also sat around with the TV blaring all day and night. I couldn't even concentrate on anything that I was doing. When he wasn't watching TV he was sitting around on his cell phone texting someone all of the time. He was always weird about letting me touch his cell phone, but he got REALLY WEIRD at this point. He was hiding something for sure.
When I did have a few minutes to talk to him, he was often contradicting previous stories that he had told me. For instance, the woman that he was with before me. He told me initially that he had not been with her for two years before he met me, but while he was on the pain pills he told me a completely different story. He said that she was living with him when he met me. She had a stroke. He didn't want to be bothered with her in her current condition, so he called her daughter and told her to come and get her! What kind of person says they love someone and then kicks them out after they had a stroke?
A few other things he told me was about his first wife, the mother of his children, and about his second wife. He had previously told me that he had never hit or physically abused any of the women he had been with. Now he was telling me stories about telling them that he would kill them and shoving them down and even about choking them!
The narcissist only had enough pain medication for a week. His doctor called in a prescription for him locally. The local family didn't have it. He told me I had to drive to the hospital where he had the surgery right then, in spite of the fact that he had enough pain medication to use for the entire following day. It was getting dark, and since my eye operations I have been unable to see in the dark to drive. So, I told him that I would go in the morning if I couldn't find any pharmacy local at all that had it. I was supposed to be working in the morning at my radio job, but I was going to get his medication the first thing before work. When he heard me calling some other pharmacies to see if they had any of his medication, He went completly ballistic!
The next morning when I got up he told me with contempt that he called his daughter and that she was going to get his medication and bring it to him! He said, "She has to work and take her girls somewhere after that! You should have been the one to get this but you had to act like a bitch!" I tried to tell him that I told him the night before that I would go the next morning, but he wouldn't even listen! At this point I didn't even care. No matter what I did or didn't do it was going to be wrong anyway! When his daughter came with the pain medicine she she just stared at me like I was an evil witch! What on Earth kind of lies had he told her about me?
For the first few weeks he had physical therapy that came to him. After that I had to drive him to physical therapy. I had no problem doing that, except for the fact that all he did was complain the whole way there and the whole way back! If I was a stressed out mess at the time, there were many reasons, and they all revolved around him.
He got a little better each week and graduated from using a walker to using a cane. Then he got to the point of where he didn't need the cane anymore either. But, even after he was doing better all he did was criticize me and complain about everything from my work, to the food I was cooking, to the fact that the house wasn't clean enough! I just wanted to run away, and it was MY house!
At this point he started telling me all sorts of crazy things. He told me that I should be careful, because something could happen to me. He also talked about my work, my friends and my family like everything associated with me was nothing but a giant pile of crap! Then he told me that I need to start organizing everything around the house better, and that I needed to organize my time better. He actually said to me, "You know the guy on the movie Sleeping with the Enemy? I'm exactly like that! So you better watch what you're doing!"
Lessons Learned: You can't please a narcissist no matter what you do, or how good of a person you are. Narcissists LIE! No one is ever good enough for a narcissist. Narcissists are masters of manipulation and gaslighting. I'm NOT crazy, he just tried to make me think I was!
#NarcissistsAreLiars, #NarcissistsAreManipulators, #Gaslighting, #ImNotCrazy, #LiveWithDonna, #ThePhoenixRisingWoman, #PhoenixRisingWoman
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