Is It My Eyes Trying To Protect My Heart?

 

When my husband was in rehab and was doing really bad, I was under so much stress. I just didn't know what to do about it all. The physical, emotional and financial strain was unbelievable! I was barely functioning enough to hold myself together. One day I got up and noticed my left eye was feeling kind of funny. I just let it go, and hurried to get cleaned up and out the door to see see my husband in rehab. He was still able to talk to me, but he wasn't doing well.

I had been worrying about how I was going to pay for his stay at the rehab center when Medicare stopped paying for it. It was that, or I had to bring him home and try to take care of him. I had been asking everyone I knew for help. It was such a horrible stress that I couldn't sleep, eat or barely even think! I had talked to the people at the Agency on Aging, and to the Elder Care Lawyer, and to every agency I could find. There was no help unless you could pay. The only other option was to get him on Medicaid, which would mean everything had to be put in my name. He wanted no part of that. I think he would rather lose it all than put it all in my name, so he refused!

I got home that night, and every time I looked at any kind of light, I saw huge lines radiating out from it. It was both of my eyes doing it. I could barely see to drive home when car headlights were coming toward me.

The next day I went to see my husband early so that I could get home before dark. I started driving home that day, and I couldn't see anything at all! The sun was shining, and it was if there was a film on my windshield that I couldn't even see through. I looked like wax paper! I had no choice but to stop right where I was, and hope that there was no traffic coming. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't even see to pull off on the side of the road. I just stopped right there. I tried putting on sunglasses, and that didn't even help. After a few minutes I could see a little bit, so I pulled into a nearby parking lot.

I sat in the parking lot for a little while. I wondered who I could even call for help if I couldn't drive home? All of the same people who said they couldn't or wouldn't help me with my husband if I had to bring him home in the condition he was in? I had no one. All I could do was pray. 

Finally I was able to see enough to drive some. It was really scaring me though, I was worried that the film on the windshield would come back unexpectedly. I did get home though. I knew I had to figure something out fast. I started to research things on the internet about stress and what it can do to eyes. I found some stories of people just like me who had been under severe stress for a long time. They had trouble similar to mine. Some of it was permanent, some said it went away after the stress was gone. With all of the loneliness, heartbreak and horrible financial stress I was experiencing; I began to wonder, is this my eyes trying to somehow protect my heart?

Well, I'm still hurting and still not myself yet. The new glasses I got aren't even helping. My eyes are still messed up. That makes it pretty hard to be totally alone and have no one that I can really even call for help. If I can't see, then I don't know what I will do in the future. I need to go see an eye specialist. The bad part is that I have no insurance. I had to apply for Medicaid because I don't have the money for anything right now.

Lesson Learned: I don't have any real friends or family that actually care about what happens to me.

#EyesProtectingHeart, #PhysicalReactionToStress, #Blindness, #LIVEWithDonna, #ThePhoenixRisingWoman

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