16 Year Old Child Bride

 

The nightmare that should have never happened, but did because of my own fears and insecurities. When I was a teenager, my mom called me a rebel. I was definitely in a state of rebellion during my teenage years! I was all about partying and boys. The next thing I knew, I was 16 years old and pregnant. I wasn't in love with the guy who was the baby's father, and that made it really hard. When I told my mom she slapped me. When I told my dad, he offered to let me stay at home, finish high school, have the baby, and he would even help me out if I still wanted to go to college.

I had made up my mind, that the solution was going to be exactly as my dad had suggested. I wasn't even going to entertain the idea of abortion, or giving up my baby for adoption. Then, the next thing I knew, my mom had invited all of the deacons from the church and their wives to come over and talk to me. I was mortified! This was scary enough without being judged by a bunch of people from the church. They came over, gathered around me like a bunch of vultures, and proceeded to tell me that I was going to go to HELL for breaking God's commandments if I didn't make this right and get married to the father of the baby. I tried to explain that I did't want to be with the baby's father, and that it all happened because I had done too much partying. It was to no avail. They kept quoting scripture and scaring me.

So I was scared into marrying an irresponsible, controlling older man that I didn't love. I won't go into details here, but he was not only controlling, but emotionally and physically abusive too. I was miserable. Nothing was about me, unless it was something wrong, which seemed to be the only way I could do things according him.

I had a baby girl in the summer, just after I turned 17. My little girl was beautiful! It was pretty scary though knowing that I was responsible for someone else's life, especially since I wasn't even sure how to take care of myself yet. I had gone from being my father's daughter to being a wife. My whole life so far I hadn't been able to make any decisions about my own life or my future, how was I going to make them for my daughter?

I stayed married to this abusive man for 11 years. I was worried about going to hell if I got divorced, but it turns out that it WAS 11 years IN HELL! He wouldn't support us, I had to go out and work, and he was so abusive that I could barely function. He started getting abusive with my daughter too. I stepped in and took the beatings for her. I couldn't bare to see him hurt her. She was just a little girl. I thought about going to a women's shelter, but he told me that if I ever left him, he would take our daughter, and I would never see her again. He also told me that he would kill me! I believed him.

I got to the point where I just couldn't take it anymore. Either he would kill me by being physically abusive, or he would kill me if I left. I at least had to try, especially after the night he made me kneel on the kitchen floor with a gun pointed to my head begging for my life! I decided to leave and go to my mom and dad's house. He kept trying to come visit, but I would call the police. In the state I lived in there weren't stalker laws yet either. I finally got the divorce after a 3 month waiting period. I had to take out a restraining order against him. He would follow me to and from work, try to run me off of the road, and would harass me every chance he got.

I finally moved back into my old house with my daughter. One night when I got home, I went outside to feed the dog. I always had my daughter call her grandma when I did that, because I was afraid my ex husband would be hiding outside somewhere and that something would happen to me. That night, after feeding the dog, my daughter was still on the phone talking to her grandma. I went to my bedroom and someone grabbed me and threw me down. It was ex! He had been hiding behind the bedroom door just waiting. He had a gun and was going to kill me! My daughter heard me scream and came running into the bedroom. I told her to get out of there and RUN! She was still on the phone with my mom, and she quickly told her what was happening before she ran outside. My parents only lived a block away, so my dad jumped in his truck. My ex husband realized what was going on and got scared. He fled out the front door just as my dad was racing down the street to my house. We called the state police at this time. Meanwhile, my dad was out searching for my ex. I know he would have killed him if he had found him. I filed a police report, and they issued a warrant for his arrest. He spent some time in jail, and then went to a mental health facility for evaluation.

Needless to say, my ex didn't pay any child support so he had no visitation rights with my daughter as the court had ordered. I looked over my shoulder for the next 5 years in fear that he would try to hurt me or my daughter, but after the time in jail, he pretty much just stayed away.

Lesson Learned: Never listen to what someone else thinks is best for you. You have got to make your own decisions is life, and never let someone guilt trip you into thinking that you are a bad person who has no rights at all. #LIVEWithDonna, #ThePhoenixRisingWoman, #IAmAble, #IAmLovable, #GodLovesMe
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