You're Not Important To Us Anyway!
I can't believe how much I have done for my family over all these years. I have sacrificed so much time, so much of myself and so many things for them. When my husband was sick, they all acted like I didn't even exist, even though I was the one who was spending all of my time taking care of him. I asked them all for help, but everyone was just too busy. My husband's oldest son would at least take him to some of his doctor appointments. He got to be far too much for me to handle. His daughter would also take him sometimes. His daughter had been gone out of state for over 20 years. We saw her and the children about twice a year. I think that she was somehow trying to make up for lost time.
After my husband passed away, it was really sad how things went at the funeral. As we were standing up by the casket, there was clearly a segregation. I and my children were on one side and his son, daughter and their children went to the front of the isle near the foot of the casket so they could greet people first. After 26 years I still didn't feel like part of the family. Not one of them even seemed to care how I was doing through it all or even glance my way. It really hurt me and my children, but I guess it was designed to do exactly that.
It was traditional that all of our family get together for Christmas Eve. I usually did the biggest part of putting it all together and cleaning it all up after the fun was over. It wasn't because I wanted it that way, it was because everyone else would make excuses as to why they couldn't prepare anything or help clean up. Instead of trying to take care of me a little bit this year, since we had just buried my husband and their dad the day before; it was no different. I only had Christmas Eve dinner for the children and grandchildren to try to help them get through this. I thought that if we could still be together as a family that it might help. Everyone did seem to have fun, even though it was hard not having my husband there. Then, they all left. I ended up spending Christmas Day all alone.
I hadn't heard a word from either of my husband's children after Christmas. It was if I and this place no longer existed. I felt like I had died with my husband. Then one day in February, my step daughter text me and asked if I was going to be home that night. She told me that she would like to come over. I was kind of surprised. Then the next text told me why. She wanted to get some of her dad's shirts to make something out of. As an after thought she said, "Oh, and I wanted to see how you're doing too." Neither of his children, my daughter or our son even call, text or message to see how I am or if I'm okay. I feel like I am a person who has just been thrown away like an old piece of trash.
That night when my step daughter came over, her husband and one of their sons came with her. I gave her a bag of her dad's shirts. It was so hard to go in there and get those shirts to give her, but I did it because it was the right thing to do. I was trying to be strong while they were here, even though I had spent a lot of time crying recently.
Then, I felt like a bomb had been dropped. My step daughter told me that her and her brother had gone out and picked out and designed a stone for their dad's grave. I couldn't believe that they didn't include me in that! I was only his wife for 26 years, and had been married to him for longer even than their mother had. She said that her brother would be paying for it out of the money that his dad gave him from the shared savings account. Well, that was good, but I still couldn't believe the nerve! I included every single family member in the plans for the funeral, and made sure that no one felt left out. They included no one in the plans for the headstone except themselves. I don't know if I will ever get over that. I guess I had no say because I had no money to buy the stone with? I don't understand why they would want to hurt me that way. I guess they wanted to make sure that I didn't get includde in anything on the stone that said "Beloved Husband", because that title was the one he shared with their mom, not me.
Lesson Learned: No matter how good you are to people they can still treat you badly in the end.
#YouAreNobody, #LetUsUseYou, #YouAreNotFamily, #LIVEWithDonna, #ThePhoenixRisingWoman
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